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| This is probably my last Xanga entry & last entry as a Miss. This week represents a lot of those lasts, & it really hit me today. We attended Living Hope for the last time as members today. We have been going to that church for four years & it is an amazing picture of what the Body of Believers is supposed to look like. We have taught Sunday School, been in amazing Hope Groups, & been surrounded by people, not only peers but those older & younger than us, that have encouraged us & lifted us up. I started sobbing in the first five minutes of the service. They gave the opportunity for those going on mission trips & those graduating & moving to come to the altar & pray & be prayed over. Josh & I went to down to thank the Lord for that church & how He's grown us in the time we've been there & to pray for our marriage & what the Lord has prepared for us in San Antonio. Others came to pray for us as well which was a HUGE blessing (that brought on fresh tears). After heading back to our seats we were stopped by our Hope Group leaders, an older couple that we adore, & they prayed over us in the aisle, & many tears were shed there as well. I'm heartbroken about leaving. Not just our church, but our close friends, the life we've had for the past four years... we're leaving. I'm done with school forever... after 16 years of it. I don't know anything else, really. It's very sad. I'm really excited about the next couple of weeks & about moving & that God DOES have a church body there for us, with an older couple to mentor us & with friends to have accountability & prayer with, but I'm also quite fearful. I think it's just because these three HUGE changes - graduating, getting married, & moving to a new city where you know no one but yourselves - are all piled into three weeks for us. & it's scary. But "perfect love drives out all fear" (1 John 4:18) & I'm learning to just sit back & let God take us on this amazing ride He has planned. Ya, it's all new, & a lot is going to change. But God is doing it all, & God is good. So I sit back. I was reflecting tonight on what God has done this semester, & I sit in awe over one specific thing. At the beginning of the semester, I started to get very consumed by my discontent with how I looked. To me, I've never had a huge issue with how I look to the world, cuz it's whatever, my imperfections are pretty well covered by my clothes. But getting married brings the issue to a whole new level. I began to worry that Josh, after the poor guy seeing what he sees on TV & as he walks past Victoria Secret in the mall, wouldn't be okay with how I looked compared to the air-brushed pictures God-fearing guys see whether they want to or not. I'm pretty sure this is a big deal for ALL girls that love the Lord. So I prayed. A lot. & God delivered me from it. He gave me confidence in my body, not because I'm some perfect physical specimen, but because God made me to be beautiful, & fortunately for me, the love that He gave Josh for me stems out of that view - Josh will think I'm beautiful. As long as I am taking care of myself physically, eating right and exercising, I am obeying the Lord & I have nothing to worry about. It's amazing that He has done this & that I can rest in the promise that God will bless our marriage because we are letting Him be in full control of it. I'm really excited. I started a blog for our little family, & we (which means mainly I, but about us) will started posting on it after we get settled in SA. I'm not sure if we're going to really make it super public, so if you would like to keep up with us via blog, please let me know & I'll give you the website. Some exciting things are coming up... & God is doing them all. I'm so undeserving of the blessings He showers over me. Signing off for the last time, ttfn~ Court | | |
| ...Wonderful
Every time I think I've grasped the realization of this thing called marriage, this person I will call my husband, I'm proved wrong. The more time goes by, the more in love I fall, & the more overwhelmed I am at this huge thing I don't deserve. Josh is the most amazing man I have ever met or could ever create in my head. God's plan for marriage is bigger than I can see now, & more magnificant then I'll probably ever know. The idea that a man & his wife could know complete intimacy, could be one, as the Trinity is one, is almost too lofty. But I'm so excited to see that played out in our life together - to see what God can do through two people who fail Him & each other so often, despite their love for Him. I'm excited to raise a family together, with children created by us & children adopted into our family, raising them in the Word & teaching them to love & obey our Lord. I'm so excited to see what the Lord has planned for us. ...A Big Fat Tease
You know, you hear sometimes that short engagements are the way to go, & I'm here to say... IT'S TRUE!! Being engaged is almost torture! You talk about things you will face in your marriage, good & bad; you plan your future, like jobs, a home, etc.; you get closer emotionally & spiritually; all to realize these things you are planning seem like they might just never happen. You know how people say, "It's slower than Christmas!" Well, weddings are slower, & the reason no one ever says, "It's slower than your wedding day!" is because NOTHING is that slow. Really. Conclusion: The good definitely outweighs the bad, for sure. God is good. 46 days.  In other news, I've had this yucky stomach thing. I definitely spent some good time in the bathroom this weekend... I won't say doing what. (That's another thing being engaged does - it makes you more open. Which in this case is not good for my Xanga readers.  ) So when I work out my stomach knots up & I double over. I think it's the kind of wait-it-out thing. Well, okay. Hey, we got an apartment! We have our first home. We're so excited & can't wait to have some visitors!! We also finally got the wedding invitations out in the past couple weeks - it's so amazing that some people have told us they are coming!! We honestly don't expect people to drive the zillions of hours, so when we hear that people are coming, we feel so blessed. (Plus, I mean come on, it's gonna be a good time.)  My parents & my DOGGY are coming this weekend for Parents Weekend! Yep, they've come every year. Fun! Oh ya, Josh & I will be starting a family blog (obviously soon), so considering the frequency of my updates, this is sure to be one of my last. Be watching out for that new blog!! I'm enjoying knowing the Lord more than I ever have before. ttfn~ Court | | |
| So my mom, my sister & I were headed to North Carolina this morning for a four-day trip, a last hoorah if you will, it being my last spring break & the last trip before I get married. Unfortunately, maximizing profit is the most important aspect of anything anyone does, so we didn't get to go. Apparently Continental Airlines overbooks its flights so when they have no-shows, they still have a full flight & still get lots of money. So when everyone shows up, people get bumped - that being us. They couldn't find any other flights for us to connect to (duh, it's spring break), so we don't get to go on our trip. That's not all. After they told us they were holding our baggage downstairs since we didn't get to go, turns out they didn't, so our baggage headed to Houston anyways. & the icing on the cake - they didn't even refund our money. We lost so much money, not only for plane tickets they kept us from using, but hotel rooms, a car rental, & tickets to the Biltmore. All of this to say - DON'T FLY CONTINENTAL! So I find myself kinda bored. It's hard to go from super busy to nothingness. So naturally I began looking at the blogs of people I don't know, which was pretty uneventful until I found this one - http://www.xanga.com/Archangel121. He posted an article on Feb. 8 about romance that is HILARIOUS - it's really long, so if you find yourself with some spare time, go read it. I'm taking bridal portraits this week. The wedding is actually coming... weird. Good of course, but weird... it seems like the day that will never happen. I'm really looking forward to Josh & I being a family, coming home to him, doing the basic & the fun things of life together. I'm real excited. Now what to do?? I have a lot of invitations to address... maybe there is something good on TV to accompany me. The new Anberlin CD is amazing... so insert lyrics from one of their songs here. (I get to see them in concert - WHOOP!) ttfn~ Court | | |
| I have a finance test tonight. I've been studying for that class in my spare time since week 1. Really, it's the bain of my existence. BUT. God is good at taking bains & using them for our good. I don't think I ever really realized how to do SCHOOL for God's glory. I always made that my intention... but I'm not sure that I ever really grasped it. I think I do now. I couldn't learn this stuff for the life of me & was forced to say, "Okay... God... You created money & its purpose... You created math... You are the ultimate Teacher... teach me." I ALSO had to say, "I'm going to do my best to learn & study, & God, the rest is in Your hands. Pass me, fail me, ace me, it's all You." & I had to stop fretting (worry is a sin, you know) about my grade & whether or not I pass. Cuz that's how we're supposed to do life. Pray about things, don't worry, do your best, relying on the Lord, & trust that He'll take it from there. I know this is somewhat of a silly example, but God is really using this poopified class to teach me more about prayer & about trusting Him (which means not worrying at all - I never really got that part, I think). So I'm thankful. Side note: don't see "Because I Said So." Ever. It is sex disguised as a movie. I've also been learning about something else: comparison. Blech. The word kind of makes me nauseous. Comparison does nothing but steal our joy & make us discontent - or give us big ole globs of pride. Whether it's comparing ourselves to others, or comparing others to others, it's never, EVER good. & it's like all of a sudden I realized - well, stop looking at people. If I am struggling with comparing myself to others, stop looking at them. (It almost makes me literally sick how much girls check out other girls even more than guys do - because they are comparing.) This also reaches other areas. If you lust, stop looking. Period. If you struggle with eating too much, stop looking at that food. Stop thinking about the things that eat away at us. Don't entertain thoughts that aren't "true... honorable... just... pure... lovely... commendable... excellent... worthy of praise" (Phil 4:8). Self discipline is so important. That being said, I am so blessed to have a self-disciplined fiance. I am also blessed to have the most amazing accountability group I could ever imagine. Sin is being conquered. Wow. Time to go study some more & get this sucker out of the way. Give me a soul that never ceases to follow despite the infection within... ttfn~ Court | | |
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